this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
