I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
