last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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