just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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