I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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