You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
