How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
