I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
