We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
