My hand turned me down
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He has the fingertips of a God
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