So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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