oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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