guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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