Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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