I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
