If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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