fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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