as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
