I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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