Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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