There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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