Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
