check it out our google latitudes are spooning
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
