I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
