I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
a search helicopter?!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
