I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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