: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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