so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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