Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
