Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
