Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
