NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
