i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
