me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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