6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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