he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
