i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
