I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
