I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
