Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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