she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
