I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
