I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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