omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
