I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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