I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
