Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
