Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
