i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
