I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
