yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
